Sunday, August 17, 2008

how to make a girl obsess over you

1.
a. start the relationship by saying that your dont want a relationship
b. give her subtle remarks on her looks and personality
c. break up
d. call her late at night and bare your heart about your love for a polish belletdancer you slept with in rome. thank her for being such a great listener.
e. meet her in a bar and send her mixed messages
f. call her sporadically
g. nick name her fatty
h. go on an impulse trip to europe for 6 months without letting her know

result: it's in the bag!
once she gets released from the eating disorder clinic she'l be ready for marriage

2.
a. pour compliments over her she's never heard before.
b. be unfaithful
c. blame her for it
d. devote a poem about your great love to her
e. be unfaithful again
f. propose
g. reveal something sick about yourself
h. blame her for everything
i. say something about the power of destiny

result: finished!
continue this way and she'll remain your faithful mistress

3.
a. fake a modest objection to society f.x misunderstood cultureworker, political radicalist or socially isolated because of intellectual superiority
b. tell her, her life and friends are superficial
c. tell her, her work, interest, decoration and taste in music is trivial and bourgeois
d. move in to her apartment
e. fake the ability to work (of any kind) and let her provide for you
f. manipulate her into breaking contact with all her friends
g. get depressed
h. accuse her of being unfaithful everytime she leaves the apartment
i. write a novel, get published and get rave reviews in the culture section

result: you're done
now she can be your muse forever!

2 comments:

d120Y said...

neither of these has ever worked for me.

Jessica Ashley Nelson said...

i think you're on to something..